A Day In The Life of Kitty Banner

Just a young wild kid who can't keep her hands off of the stick. Yes I do mean an airplane. :: Hey, I'm a helluvagirl so you better be real.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

OK Let's Get Real

Who the hell are you?

That's the question you have to deal with. Hey buddy, I have my identity and I'm living it, not dreaming it like some guy in the lower 48 who has no clue about the rugged life.

Guys come and go. they see some hot chick up here and think that they died and whent to heaven, but that;s just a fantacy. Where the f... do you guys come off on? I see guys coming here all day long, day after day until it get really cold and then suddenly, you all want to stay in the lodge. Of course, that's if you come at all. (No pun intended). Where the F... are the real men?

So, as I see it, here is the deal. Other than my uncle and a few deranged cousins, I want to know why the real men who wanted a life of adventure and extreme has resorted to some dame like me who has to stand up and say, where the hell did all of you guys go?

So tell me, is Kitty crazy???

A Bad Dat At Work

I had to share this as an opener.

This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy.

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue,

This is just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this:

We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.

In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Now repeat to yourself....
I love my job, I love my job, I LOVE my job!